Benefits of being single for life

For years, singles were mocked, vilified, called "losers", losers of the great game of love and chance. Hollywood has achieved the feat of producing three Bridget Jones on this simple idea. Most research on unattached individuals is carried out under the prism of marriage, the life of a couple, giving loneliness an image of abnormality. In reality, being alone forever is not so bad.

Frustrated by the lack of studies about the development of the single, Dr. Bella DePaulo, psychologist and author of Singled Out , began investigating celibacy a decade ago. Her latest book suggests that embracing loneliness would promote psychological and social development, unlike married people - paradoxically more disposed to isolation.

I contacted Dr. DePaulo, also a researcher and professor at the University of California at Santa Barbara , to question her about the company 's obsession with the couple.

VICE: Why are we so afraid of being alone?
Dr. Bella DePaulo: Everyone wants to be in a relationship to meet the expectations of society. By getting married, people think they will be happier, healthier, they will live longer. They have the impression to do what is right. By adhering to this way of thinking, lonely people become threatening - especially if they take full advantage of their single life. It calls into question the hypothesis that marriage is the only way to happiness.

Often, being single seems to arouse pity.
We are afraid of being alone because the single life is stereotyped and stigmatized in society. People think that if you are single, it means that something must be wrong with you. Since there is no respectful and positive perception of single people, we prefer to have relationships that do not suit us. The paradox, all the irony of it, is that less discrimination against single people would also help those seeking to be in a relationship, because they might view it as a desire rather than an obligation.

What are the benefits of celibacy?
There is so much research on loneliness - psychologists are obsessed with this subject. If loneliness can be painful and have negative effects, we miss out on its benefits by focusing only on its dangers. Singles really benefit from their experience. They enjoy these moments. New research suggests that celibacy is good for creativity, relaxation, reflection.

What are the characteristics of single people?
Single people tend to contribute to society significantly. One of the stereotypes is that single people lead a life dedicated to the pursuit of pleasure but, in fact, they do a lot of volunteer work.

Singles are distinguished by not being focused on one person. Research shows that when people get married, they are isolated - even before having children. It's part of our marriage mentality - a couple is supposed to be that hermetic entity to the outside world. On the other hand, singles are closer to their friends, family and work colleagues.

Are married people doomed to fall back on themselves?
It is enough for them to take away the idea that they are an inseparable unit. They must feel free to devote themselves to the people and passions that matter to them.

What can be done to put an end to the fears surrounding loneliness?
It must be recognized that spending time alone is a good thing! You have to try and see if you find positive solitude, then consider this free time as an opportunity rather than a threat.

Why are there so few studies on single people?
We do not yet realize how much things are evolving . People stay longer single, divorced more often - to focus exclusively on married people is nonsense. What really shocked me when I started studying this theme is that all the benefits of marriage - health, happiness - are either grossly exaggerated or simply wrong.

What is the next step in your research?
We really need to take the bachelors seriously, and stop studying them through the prism of marriage. In terms of my work, I'm looking to find out more about people who are single by choice - those for whom this lifestyle is the most authentic and meaningful.