So feel like being single again after a break

Now that there is a day for everything, today is the world's bachelor's day . As the psychologist says Mireia Cabero "that of singles is a target that is booming, and for brands has become a secto r very valuable." But what happens when someone returns to singleness without wanting to? What are the most common fears and attitudes?

Well, it depends, of course. Basically of the circumstances in which that new singleness has taken place . "The emotional backpack changes according to the vital moment in which we find ourselves, and the relationship and the type of relationship we had with our previous partner, " explains the sexologist Isabel Moreno . In the case of a break, "among the new singles , the loneliness has bad press if you are the one that they have left, but not if you are the one that has broken and you give yourself to the crazy life , "says Cabero.

Event
Today marks the World Day of the Bachelor, a target that is booming and has become very valuable for brands

And it is that loneliness also has its narrative. "If it is enjoyed and conscious and you burn all the cartridges, then it is something valued and there are many people who would like to be single," says Cabero. On the other hand, there are those who understand that "being alone is being lame, not being complete, since fullness is being a couple, " Moreno adds. In this case, one obviously lives differently.

According to this sexologist, even "there are people who after a break or the loss of their partner are afraid of having a partner again, to have to start over and, above all, are afraid to fail again ." But in the end, they will have no choice but to "face the fact of being alone and give it the same value as the fact of being a couple , regardless of whether they have chosen or not to be single again," says Moreno.



Having to face up again to find a sexual partner is one of the fears when someone recovers bachelorhood (KatarzynaBialasiewicz / Getty Images / iStockphoto)
And in that back to begin include sexual relations . We must bear in mind that "in moments like this everyone discovers that he has a terrible insecurity . When they leave us, they are telling us that they no longer find us attractive and we wonder if we will be able to like them again . " Therefore "we have to learn to communicate our own body from the security and conviction," says Cabero.

That and making the mistake of "focusing more on giving than on self- pleasure ; insecurity in what you did so well, and not understand that the pleasure of the other is his responsibility and not ours, "says Moreno. This situation can create problems especially in men , "which manifests itself, for example, in problems of erection ", since they are more inclined to demand a great performance ", adds this sexologist.

Sex
It is a mistake to focus more on giving than on self-pleasure "

ISABEL MORENO Sexologist
The women on the other hand, "have needs sex different , and initially have no interest in having any relationship, preferring to explore their sexuality so individually . There are women who, after remaining single, feel liberated and have an interest in getting to know each other, "says Moreno.

As a tendency, "women historically have had a greater connection with their emotionality in a more active way, while men have connected more with being and having," says Mireia Cabero.

Paternity
A break at the time you were planning to have children is usually very critical "

MIREIA CABERO Psychologist
For her part, Isabel Moreno does not believe that there is a properly masculine and a properly feminine way of dealing with singleness, but she does think that it is more usual for men to look more quickly for a partner , while women do not want to go back to clean anyone's underpants ever again. "



As is logical, also every age and every vital moment marks different focuses centered on our expectations and our needs . In general, in that age in which life is about to be built, we tend to accuse the coup more . "For example, at the moment when people consider being parents to suffer a break is usually very critical, " says Mireia Cabero.

Experts recommend, after a break, to take things slowly and not get stuck in sadness

Experts recommend, after a break, to take things slowly and not get stuck in sadness (Poike / Getty Images / iStockphoto)
That's why both experts advise taking things with a bit of calm , and although there are people with a greater resilience that does not let you fall, the important thing after a break "is to make a duel , and see that it is an opportunity to learn . Listen to what we need, "says Moreno.

Of course, we must bear in mind that there are no magic formulas . "You have to open the emotional backpack, without fear, and feel the emotions, " says the sexologist, "and try not to stay" stuck in sadness, "adds the psychologist.